Monday, August 21, 2006

The Fool On The Hill

OK, so as a side note to this weekend I came to the realization that every day my life gets better and better. Some new gem is revealed and I gaze upon it in awe. That's great, right? Well, sure, but at the same time I am struck by what I now conceive as a divine confusion. The more Wide Eyed Awe that manifests in my reality tunnel, the less certain I am of anything. There is a great deal of comfort in this but I will admit to a lack of control and an intensely diminished ego or sense of self. This is a new mode of being for me. One that I have been striving towards for some time now. I appreciate it, and you can't wash the smile off my face, but I'm more confused than ever before. Such are the wages of revolution I suppose.

I wrote this in January of 2000 and it is a great precursor to this new mode:

"There will always be dark days, in this subtle world. But, I tell you now, for all the dark days there are infinite lights blasting forth from every corner of time. I know you all only through created personas, through masks, attempts to reach into my reality from your own, and my own desire to fill in the numerous gaps. Some of us render as magicians, some musicians, some as Jesus freaks with a penchant for LSD and others as untranslatable poets. To you all, my love, you have seen my darkness, some of you have seen it at mind destroying levels. For some of you recovery is still questionable. For some of you laughter must be the only feasible reaction to my current state. Everything is now in its right place, it is only a matter of training your eyes to see from new angles. The art of attaining Wide-Eyed Awe is my new gospel. The word of this gospel is the word "forget.""

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