Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Satanic Product Placement?

This is a long and sordid tale but for the sake of the children it must be told.

A few months back I did some modeling for Jockey. It was what they call a "yoga performance." I did various asana for 3 hours in a local mall while wearing the new line of Jockey underwear for men called 3D Innovations. It was a good gig. I made enough cash to subsidize my May trip to Manhattan to practice with Sri K. Pattabhi Jois and visit with Alex Grey at the COSM. Though being an underwear model is tough work it has its rewards. On top of the cash and glory, I also got a few complimentary pairs of underwear. Sweet!

Or so I thought until a few weeks ago while getting dressed. As I gazed lovingly at the mirror, as we models do, I realized there was something strangely familiar on the waistband of this underwear. For a moment I couldn't place it and then it hit me. I called my wife over to confirm I was seeing what I thought I was seeing. Yes, she agrees. Sure enough, in black and red, right next to the bold Jockey name is a symbol that intertwines three sixes! My eyes are wide. There it is, in bright red on the black field of my waistband, the mark of the beast! I think to myself, no marketing team in the world would put this together without someone catching it, right? After a hearty chuckle with my wife, I file it as another blip in the long line of Promethean synchronicities in my life. It's business as usual in the Renegade Reality Lab.

This was all fine and good until another aspect came to light. I've known there was an Omen remake on its way and though I'll certainly go see it, I'm not as excited about it as I am about a few other summer releases. That being said, at lunch a few days ago the film came up and I realized that they were releasing it on June 6th, giving it a release date of 6.6.06. It was at this point that I put two and two together and realized Jockey was actually jumping on the Omen remake train! Wow, this is a ground-breaking marketing technique! Jockey is doing product placement without even placing the product. It is as if they're using the collective unconscious' ability to confuse and overlay archetypes to sell men's panties. This is very exciting for media watch freaks like myself. Stop the presses!

With this realization I felt it necessary to do a bit of research on Jockey International to determine where their allegiances lay. First, to keep this all in clear conscious, it must be noted that the mark of the beast ala the Omen films is not exactly duplicated on the soon to be infamous Jockey waistband. The films' mark of the beast is created by three sixes in a triangle, but they're all on the same plane. The Jockey mark of the beast is connected at the top of each six creating something of a spiral or triangle of sixes. If you ask me the Jockey mark is much more dubious. Even though I already knew in my heart they were minions of the dark one, I felt the need to press on.

It didn't take long to figure out that Jockeys' unholy allegiance went all the way back to founding of the company in 1876. Their site proudly states

"Samuel T. Cooper, a retired minister, decided to help when he discovered that lumberjacks were suffering from blisters and infections caused by their shoddy wool socks. He started his own hosiery business in a converted livery stable."
A retired minister? Right! True ministers never retire and they would gladly shuffle off the human skin before going into the hosiery business! Creating hosiery for lumberjacks is blatant deviant behavior in this day and age! In 1876 it must have been a sure sign of the decline of the West.

Plus the picture of Mr. Cooper simply gives me the creeps.

With a bit more research I discovered that Cooper's first line of socks initiated the companies satanic marketing scheme. Before they brought out the Jockey moniker, their first product was demonically named Black Cat Triple Knee Stockings! That was the last nail in the coffin there dear reader.

Now, I pride myself on moving beyond dualism so the whole satanic aspect of this doesn't rub me the wrong way. It's the product placement without placing the product that turns me on. Jockey actually won points for coming up with this archetypal product placement and their marketing group deserves a pat on the back. Based on this I'm proud to have represented Jockeys' 3D Innovations underwear and I'd gladly hit the runway for them in the future! So what if I'm selling underwear for satan? As far as I'm concerned the concept of underwear is pretty damn evil in the first place. Unless we're talking about a pair of those mind numbingly cute lace numbers that my wife keeps in the special drawer. :)


Anonymous said...

The Cosmic Giggle Factor is in the red for this one!
(insert booming George Orwellian voice & X-files theme music here)
“No one… and we mean NOBODY can sneak any garment conspiracies past …. The Renegade Reality Lab and his team !”


Anonymous said...

Personally, I think you may have misread Jockey. Clearly, the symbol is of man-seed emanating from one's center. Jockey may be promoting reproduction.

Unless it's devil-seed. Then we're all fucked.