Wednesday, January 11, 2006

my confusion on faith and chance

Well, the day had a few twists and turns that will be written about in another time. What comes next must seem as cryptic drivel for good reason. I know some of you like to read things into my words, don't do that here or you'll be quite mistaken. I would throw a quote in from Hamlet here but I'm too lazy to get it exact and that brief reference serves the same purpose as the misquote would.

Sometimes people feel it necessary to carry a burden alone. They may do this to protect those around them, they may do it to repress or deny the burden, or they may do it for selfish reasons as sometimes burdens endow one with purpose. I've found that life is unfair. It makes no sense whatsoever and, for the most part, chaos reigns. Yes, there are streams of order and as humans we try to tidy it up as we go, but the true nature of the world is just that, natural, organic, chaotic. This chaos has intelligence, but it is an utterly unpredictable intelligence. This "chaotic intellect" is the absolute (infinite) for me. It speaks to me sometimes and on occasion I try to translate it by setting up categories, languages, and cultures. The new fancy high-tech magi call these memes, whatever.

Back to burdens and the fact that life is unfair. See, the fact that life's not fair is a boon, NOT a curse. It's probably the one thing we've got going for us. I know in the heat of battle it's hard to see, but sometimes the only things we have are chance and faith. Yeah, that's a bitch aint it? Sure, but here's the cool part, if you have that faith (in whatever translation you lean towards) and that faith is firm you'll always be willing to play no matter how unfair it seems. I've had a life so rough that even those who know me fast can't fathom it. I've been dealt the death card time and time again and my faith (in its many manifestations) has carried me through.

The death card is an opportunity to play with the big boys, you'll win some and you'll loose some. The trick to living in an unfair world is to play dirty and not give a rat's ass about the outcome. Faith is the sleight of hand required to succeed at this. So, if you can get your head around that one and begin to get into playing the game you can access another boon. I know it's gonna hurt from where your sitting, but just suck it up and share your burden! If you think that one magi with faith can play rough imagine what two or a couple of hundred can do. If a group comes together to work on something, that something tends to get done more quickly. It's a chaotic universe so bear in mind that sometimes the group mind will work, sometimes it won't. That’s why it's important to remember you don't give a rat's ass anyway. Sometimes it’s simply more fun to play with others than to play alone.

I don't know my friends; I just read through that cryptic drivel and none of it makes sense to me either. And I actually know the situation I'm referring to. Why go it alone? Why freak in the first place? Every situation is an opportunity, even the end of situations i.e. death. ESPECIALLY the END of Situations! What a blessing that would be. That would take care of this time problem then and there. :) Of course, you're reading the words of someone who has a pretty good idea that the world is not what it appears and that he is simply an infinite being playing in a finite world for shits and grins. That's what a wise old woman told me right before she cut my throat, woke up Vishnu and lit the campfire again.

Arjuna, I love you my dear friend. Use what you have and remember your training. Lean on me. When you forget I will remind you. Do not fear. Be resolute in your faith. Most of all let go and breathe. We practice Savasana for a reason. Wield your sword and fulfill your roll in this brilliant dream!

OK, it is far too late and I'm far too heavy handed. ~G

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